John needs to drive the car and Sad can’t drive — Methods for pulling people out of dissociation in public and private.

My husband and I occasionally ran into situations where, as useful as his alters were and as much as they were absolutely allowed to exist in their own right while their traumas were worked out, it was significantly more convenient to have his conscious mind in charge. For example, when he got triggered at work, when we were doing something social, when we were in public areas and his more volatile alters came out, on an airplane sitting across from the in-flight staff, and especially when he was driving or needed to drive. Thankfully his Mask/Arbitrator alter could drive, that was very lucky!

Felt and Sandpaper

Frankly, this one works better when supervised. If your partner isn’t supervised, only give them the felt. We learned the hard way that you can damage yourself with sandpaper. However, having your partner keep these around in their pocket can be handy. Feeling first the felt and then the sandpaper brings the mind into the present, reminds them of physical sensations and draws them into the body. It only does this a little bit, but it is sometimes enough for the conscious mind to take control again. Although, as I said, I would only recommend this as a supervised activity. One of John’s more angry alters managed to damage him with the sandpaper a few times, even when I was there. But it did work enough that he carried around felt in his pocket for a few months after that.

Playing Catch/Juggling

Anything that involves coordination is good. Bringing people back into their body and into the present by giving them a somewhat complex physical task works well to help the conscious mind regain control. For John it worked 80-90% of the time, I would say. Although one of his alters, the Mask/Arbitrator, could juggle, so it didn’t work with him. It worked with the rest, though. It works with anything that you can safely toss - coins, water bottles, balls, cuddly toys, whatever is handy and not sharp or too heavy.

John did have a particularly adorable child alter who wanted to be helpful and make me proud of him. This little guy would always go get his ball as soon as he was dissociated, if we were at home. He would just play catch with me until John’s conscious mind was back in the driver’s seat. Later during the process of John coming together this same alter, at the time more of an ego-state, reminisced with me about enjoying our games of catch. It was one of the most touching moments in this entire experience.

Puzzles and coloring

Sometimes puzzles – words or numbers will work. We did word puzzles because that is what John enjoys, but whatever works for you. Those special puzzles made of wood or metal or even actual jigsaw puzzles might also work. This wasn’t super effective, but worked maybe 40% of the time.

Coloring is an interesting one, because it seemed to soothe the alters to the point that they could go to sleep at night or the conscious mind could take over again. I don’t recommend these for emergencies, but it’s very good before bedtime or if an alter wakes up in the middle of the night.

Massage

This is, again, useful for when you are at home and just want some time with your partner. It sometimes will bring the conscious mind back, but at other times it will actually teach the alter that it lives in a body and, in fact, shares that body with the conscious mind. Massage mixed with soothing music, I use a spa channel on Google Play, can communicate your feelings for them while also helping them to a more unified state. Even if the alter remained and the conscious mind doesn’t take over, it will be more calm and happy. Massage makes them feel loved, which is often something alters need. However, be careful if your partner has experienced sexual abuse. John hadn’t so body-related things worked well for him.

Sneezing

Yes, sneezing. And yes, you can make someone sneeze. Simply stroke their nose hair with a finger very gently or use a lock of your hair to do it, if you have long hair. Sneezing brings John back instantly; however, he has warned me only to do this in absolute emergencies, as it is incredibly jarring for both him and the alter.

Licking their 'third eye'

This might not work great in public, but it was effective about 45% of the time. That part of the head is not just important in eastern religious practice, it has also been recognised by western scientists as a unifying part of the brain - you can experience sensations there that will effect your state of mind. Some people have a more sensitive 'third eye' than others, John's happens to be particularly sensitive and would facilitate his conscious mind coming to the forefront and regaining control. Honestly I can't remember how this started, but it was often a good backup if something else doesn't work.

Asking if the Adult Part of the Brain Can Join the Conversation

Sometimes it works to ask the child alter if the adult part of the brain can be a part of the dialogue. It doesn't always do much, but in the moment that the conscious mind is allowed into the 'room' so to speak, there is a much higher chance of it regaining control once the alter is allowed to express whatever it is experiencing.

Masturbation/Sexual Methods

Orgasm helps you reconnect with your body, it releases loads of great endorphins that relax you and it can bring someone dissociated back into their conscious mind. However, and I want to stress this – THIS IS VERY TRICKY IN TERMS OF YOUR RELATIONSHOP AND CONSENT. Thankfully John has never had any major issues with sexual abuse; otherwise I would probably not have tried this. I simply seduced all of his alters so that, unless they were in what is often called their ‘monster suit’ mode and were feeling destructive, they were generally consenting. I also had a talk about consent with John, who gave me free reign if he was dissociated to use this method. Whether or not your partner feels they are capable of speaking for their alters is obviously up to them. The way John's mind worked, this was possible. I don't recommend trying it if it is not safe both mentally and physically. Also, obviously sexual actions in public places are risky in and of themselves, so use some forethought and common sense here.